How to have the “I’m pregnant” talk, part II (partner edition)

“I’m pregnant.” Two words that will change your life forever, no matter what pregnancy option you choose.  Growing up, I had fairy tale-like visions of what this moment would be like.  But when I found myself facing an unplanned pregnancy, sharing that news was not the fairy tale vision I had dreamt of. The person I suspected was the father, was abusive. I had just gotten out of the relationship and now here I was getting dragged back in. It was hard news to share.

Whether it’s telling your parents or the father, it’s not going to be an easy conversation.  We have to be prepared for a variety of responses. Unless they are present with us as we take the test, we have had a little more time to adjust to the news. So just like with our parents, their first response, may not be their best. But unlike telling our parents, telling the father can be even more complicated. Here are a few things to consider as you share this news:

  • Don’t put it off too long. It may be hard to muster up the courage to have this conversation, but he (the father) needs to hear it from you. If you wait too long, you take the chance of him finding out via rumors, etc. That won’t be a good start to things. Plus, you will need as much time as you can get to make plans and maybe work through some relational issues, etc. 
  • Are you safe to tell him alone or if you need someone with you? If you are unsure of how he will react, you may need someone with you. It could be your parents, if you have already told them, or a trusted friend. You can also come to Abiding Care. Being sexually active, he should realize that pregnancy is always a possibility. You can always come here with him to get a pregnancy test. We are happy to sit down with both of you and discuss things, should your test be positive. We provide a safe, neutral area for you to talk this through, a place for both of you to be able to get your questions answered. We are happy to come alongside you during this time.
  • If he is insisting that you get an abortion, remember that NO ONE can force you to have one. If you are being threatened, manipulated, or coerced, we have resources to help you legally. If you think you might be in this type of situation, please contact us immediately. We want you to be safe and know exactly what your rights are.

There are many variables to this conversation – far more than we could cover in one blog post – but we are here to talk with you about your situation. These are tough conversations, but you do not have to face them alone. This is why we exist – so you can have the support, education and resources you need. If you need to talk, please reach out to us using the contact form on our website anytime, and one of our staff will respond as soon as possible.  Help. Hope. When it matters most.

From Abiding Care’s Executive Director, Carrie